He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
