We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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