Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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