like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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