I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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