it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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