Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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