True but thats because hes a fetus.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
