Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
