I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
