i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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