Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
