The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
