it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
