Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
