Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
