so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
