My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
