we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
