i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
