I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
