my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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