went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
