apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
