it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
