"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
