can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
look no pants
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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