i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
