The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
