In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
