his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You took a bar mat shot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life