Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...