Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is