I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...