Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
