my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
