Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
