I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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