i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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