I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
