we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
