just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
