Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
