this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
