Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
