So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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