Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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