Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
