Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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