i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
