$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
