Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
