I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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