just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
