o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
