i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
