Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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