I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
