The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
