On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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