Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
