Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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