It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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