sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
