fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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