It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
