I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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