I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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