At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
