Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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