He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You are the jesus of drinking
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
