Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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