Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
