I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wear drunk well.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
