Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
