Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
