There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
