what day is it and did you see me today?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
